Gifting

It's Christmastime. The concept of gifting seems pretty clear and simple.

1. Ask/Listen for what loved ones want.
2. Go buy what loved ones want.
3. Wrap what loved ones want in pretty paper that matches your Christmas tree.
4. Gloat over the joy of opening Just What They Wanted on Christmas morning.

Only, it turns out the real gifting, true generosity, isn't really clear nor simple, nor about following the above formula. The true meaning of a real and significant gift, at Christmas or any other time, is as deep and involved as anything else we do for each other as humans.

Do you remember, really remember, the joy of finding something you didn't dare ask your parents for under your tree on Christmas morning from Santa? Because I am essentially a 10-year-old girl in a thirty-something year old body, I do. I remember the inability to squelch my high pitched scream when I first laid eyes on that Barbie Dream House.

When I was a child we were poor. We were blessed to never go without food or clothing or the basic creature comforts. But things like Barbie Dream Houses were way out of my league. Rich little girls in big brick houses got those types of gifts. And knowing that money was tight in our house, I would never have burdened my parents with my heart's desire.

But somehow, whether he and Jesus share secrets or he perfected spy cams long before the CIA, Santa knew. He knew that no matter how impractical, no matter how quickly I'd outgrow it, at that moment in my life, I needed a Barbie Dream House to feel special, important and loved.

Before and since that Christmas morning, I have always been a stickler for gifting. No cheating. You have to do the work and get the right gift. The perfect gift. And no guys, that doesn't necessarily mean the most expensive gift.

Here's what the Howard family will be focused on during this Christmas gifting season.

• Loving, and giving a gift to someone, is hard work.

You can't get gifting right if you're not examining your heart and theirs. Do you really know what your spouse is thinking about as you go into the holiday season? What is your mom most concerned about? What new hobby has your brother pawning his vintage Playboys to get money to fund? You don't have to be a mind reader. You just have to spend some time talking to your loved ones. And no, that can not be done via text or Facebook. Get close and get personal - you're likely to get a greater gift from this exercise than you end up giving.

• Great gifts don't necessarily cost more.

Yes, I am a woman and I don't think that all that glitters is gift worthy. I will always treasure the bracelet my son made me in my favorite color to go with my new favorite sweater more than the diamond bracelet my husband gave me. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for both. But my son's gift was about he and I's relationship, him knowing my favorites. My husband's was about his responsibility to give a winning hubby gift.

• Just because they want something doesn't mean it's a great gift item.

On Christmas eve a couple of years ago, my husband was visibly upset. He was so proud of the gift he had ordered for me, only to have it not arrive in time for Christmas. The shipping company had messed up the order and it would be late. So imagine my excitement three days later when a big box arrived from FedEx with his name on it. I excitedly called him at work and asked if I could open it. He asked to stay on the line so he could here my reaction..."Um, honey, what is it?" - the first sign that your gift might not be a hit. It was the muffler for my four wheeler that I'd offhandedly mentioned months before that I wanted. I choked back my disappointment and thanked him. He knew he'd struck out. In his defense, he gets points for at least listening. Unfortunately, he wasn't listening with his heart or he wouldn't have given me a muffler as a gift. Men, vacuum cleaners, except for Roomba's because they're wicked awesome, dish washers and flannel robes all fall into this DON'T GIVE category of gifts.

• Joy is the point.

That's the only part of this that's simple. Your gift should elicit the Barbie Dream House kind of joy. The "OH! I would have never bought myself that in a thousand years" kind of joy. It is not the "Oh, I really needed one these" kind of joy. Because he really needs help this year, my stepson will get what he needs. But because I know their hearts so well and love them so much, all of my boys will get gifts given out of real love to elicit pure joy.

My mother-in-law got tickets to see an Elvis tribute show with her son and grandsons. She couldn't have gotten a better gift. Others in our family will get handmade or personalized gifts made and given with love. And some of us will even get an expensive item or two. Regardless of the price tag, we will be gifting with our hearts and investing in each other so deeply to make this our best Christmas ever.

After all, God didn't ask us for a list before sending his son. And while the price of his gift was the ultimate sacrifice, it was for the joy of our hearts that he gave it and wrapped it in a manger.