I'm not at all Psychic (but I've got rock star hindsight)

Ten years ago today, I was just 5 days short of my 30th birthday. And, being the intense A-Type that I am, I had my 5 and 10 year goals clearly laid out. They went something like:

• Be a patiently supportive mom as I watched my then almost-two-year-old son grow to sports and academic fame.
• Stay a humble and service focused leader as I served as an executive in a media or sales related company.
• Live in Utah - long story, but lack of hurricanes and tornadoes was one of the determining factors.
• Have led every professional and service organization directly related to my career to earn even more love and adoration from my colleagues.
• Win some awards and accolades for my hard work and awesomeness.
• Drive a Jaguar convertible.
• Live in a big house in the right zip code.
• Keep that house in Southern Living style all of the time so that I would be the envy of everyone who ever stepped inside.
• Have the perfect marriage that included romantic date nights once a month and the symphony most weekends.

You get the picture. In general, my plan was by now, heck by 5 years ago, to be prefect, oh, and live a perfect life while I was at it. Since I was going to be perfect, I would certainly have to train my son and husband into perfection with me, so we'd all be perfect together.

As you may have guessed, now ten years later, I was WAY OFF. In fact, I was so wrong about where I'd be right now, it appears I am the opposite of psychic.

My current reality proves I was not near as dedicated to achieving perfection as I once believed. But, before you or I beat me up too bad for abandoning my worthy ambitions, let me explain.

Life Happened.

It turns out, that as I sit here 5 days short of my 40th birthday, I am most happy about, most blessed by and most thankful for all of the things that happened instead of reaching those decade old goals.
Some of the highlights include:

• Being a patiently supportive mom as I watch my almost-twelve-year-old son struggle with ADHD and school. He's often socially awkward, personally irresponsible and way too easy going to ever be a sports star.
• I couldn't be more in love with him if I tried, in part, because he's not perfect, and I'm not perfect. We gave up on perfection, instead we're both working to be excellent for ourselves and each other.
• I've led, though not always as humbly as I would have liked. More than once in the last 10 years, I've bought into my own PR. I've been uncompassionate, inconsiderate, unsupportive and over-demanding. Not all of the time, but I've also not always been the servant leader I am committed to being.
• I've learned as much from the people I've been blessed to lead as I have from the ones who've trained me to lead. I've been knocked off of my high horse enough to enjoy the view from the ground as much as the one from the saddle.
• We stayed in Baton Rouge, LA. It turns out that being close to family, sharing my culture and history with my son, and helping to make the place I came from better was more important to me than any glamorous publishing career in Utah.
• When I got my cancer diagnosis, my mom immediately told the doctors to pack up my stuff, we were going to MD Anderson. This was the first time I knew, beyond any doubt, that this is my home. I responded, "I don't know if I'll beat this, but I know if I have to try to do it in Houston, away from my friends and family, away from my community, I don't really stand a chance. What is there for me to fight for in Houston?" Turns out all the world class care and inspiration I needed was right here in Baton Rouge.
• I have been blessed to work with some great groups of professionals, doing great work in our community. And while I did get some commendations here and there, it turns out it is the work I am most proud of. Seeing the impact that a group of dedicated volunteers can have on our community is why I now give and serve and couldn't care less if anyone notices.
• It's not a jaguar, but I do drive a convertible. A girl's got to have a dream, right?
• My home is a mess, we call it "domestic chic" and my marriage is equally. One day everything is tidy and romantic and the next there's clutter everywhere and everyone is cranky.
• Now sixteen year married and 20 years together, I don't want perfect. I love our flawed, full and fast-paced life. It isn't pretty, but it's a hell of a lot of fun.

So, I missed the mark. My goals, my hopes, my aspirations have changed. My reality is not nice and neat and it sure isn't perfect. It is however more fun and a bigger adventure than I could have ever imagined.

Life happened and I wouldn't trade or change one minute of it.