Coaching

My ten year old son has played some sort of organized sport since he was four. Soccer, baseball, basketball, football...we've played seasons of them all. And we have been blessed with great coaches throughout the seasons of his life.

Some of Hunter's coaches were nurturing, there's not much more you can do with four-year-old soccer toddlers. Some were disciplined. All were strong Christian men. And then there is Hunter's dad, my better half. David Howard, who never imagined anyone would let him coach his own kid, much less theirs, turned out to be one of the best coaches our son has ever had, both on and off the field.

Of all the sports he's played, soccer has remained Hunter's favorite. That may have something to do with him having always been on winning soccer teams with amazing coaches. Or it could just be he likes running up and down the field.

Whatever the reason, as soon as they opened sign ups for him to play for the first time with his school soccer program, Hunter was the first one committed.

From the beginning, we knew we would learn a whole lot more from this soccer season than we did from any of our previous seasons. As his mom, I figured out real quick that this soccer season would be a lesson in patience. And for Hunter and his teammates, it looks like this season will be a stark lesson in self leadership.

You see, Hunter isn't the only child I know that has benefited from great coaching in their early sports careers. Most of his friends have learned and played under great coaches, and a lot of the time, as teammates as well. In fact, of the 15 -20 boys on this soccer team, 10 -12 of them have played on the same team for the same coach in more than one season.

I mentioned my need for patience this soccer season because it is a lack of coaching staff that has made the blessing of our previous coaches all the more poignant. The coach we have is great, he's just having to coach three teams and three different games, sometimes two at the same time, while the school works to get other coaches ready to go. This poor fella doesn't stand a chance. He is heroic, but it appears doomed, if he doesn't get some help.

So, to bring the lessons learned full circle, Hunter and his friends need all of the self leadership skills they've not yet developed to get through this season. In fact, here's what they'll have to learn for themselves that their previous coaches have done for them.

• Putting a bunch of superstars together doesn't make a team.

Our fastest kid is FAST. But if he's way out in front and passes the ball, no one is there to get it. He has to slow down a little to make sure he's covered. And each boy will have to be honest with himself and his team about where his talents are best applied to get the best team result.

• Having great skills and knowing when to use them are two very different disciplines.

All of the fancy footwork they've learned looks great. But if their teammates can't keep up with them, it's just showing off. They've got to get the best kids with the right skills in the right place at the right time to be successful. Any other grandstanding means failure.

• COMMUNICATION isn't the most important thing. It's the ONLY thing.

Without a coach barking direction at them, the boys have to talk to each other or they're doomed. They have to let each other know where they're going, why, and what they plan to do when they get there. The Goal isn't the only goal of being a team. Getting to the goal together is critical.

• Win or lose, when you're the one on the field, you have to take responsibility for that outcome.

After losing their first game, and remember, they aren't very used to losing, the boys all whined. The field is too big. We didn't have a coach most of the game. We weren't ready.

That's life. They are likely never going to be completely ready for their opponents in life. But if they take responsibility for the parts that they can fix - train harder, run faster, communicate more and better - then they're 50% closer to winning than they were before they did nothing waiting for someone to tell them what to do.

Our second game ended in a tie. That's better than a loss. The boys all seemed to be getting the above lessons, that they'd have to do more for themselves to be successful in this season of their lives than ever before.

As a mom, seeing my son learning these important life lessons in vivid clarity, I can honestly say I'll be thankful for our overloaded coach. I will be patient and kind to him because he's teaching my son as much, if not more than, all of the other coaches he's ever had. I imagine quite unintentionally, this coach is teaching my son what it means to be a young man, responsible for his own success or failure, in what is thankfully, one of the safest places he could learn these lessons.

Perplexed Perspective

I am a Christmas Nut! I plan gifts and decorations months in advance. I impulse buy all manner of red and green paraphernalia all year long. I have a Christmas Jam playlist - and yes, it even includes N'Sync's 1998 smash hit cd Home for Christmas.

Why is Christmas my FAVORITE time of the year? Duh, it's the Spirit.

It's the peer pressure that causes even the grumpiest of us to take a break from humbugness. It is the one time a year I can, publicly and acceptably, crank Joy to the World to the rafters in my car, roll down my window and get traffic singing along. The Christmas Spirit lifts the weight of the world for so many us. And even under the most dire of circumstances, Christmas makes us happy.

Of course this year, things are different.

As a mom, as a Christian, hell, as a human being, Friday, December 14 has shaken even my over-the-top Christmas Spirit. Friday, December 14 confused and worried me. It made me fearful and sad. And even though I've gone back to happily gifting my way through the season, every time I look at a news site or hear about a memorial service, that gray cloud of confusion floats back onto the horizon.

Like so many of us, I have hung on the news of who, when, why, how. I have soaked up the addresses and responses. I have read, with teary eyes, the poems and tributes written and circulated a hundred different ways. And I am still confused.

I am confused that this is evolving into a conversation about gun control.

I am not a fan of the NRA. I believe the Second Amendment was meant to staff militias that we haven't needed in this country in over 100 years.

I also don't think our government has the right to tell it's responsible, tax paying citizens that they can't own guns. However, surely we can all agree that this is not a case study in a responsible, tax paying citizen owning guns and going nuts with guns, can't we?

Can we not all agree to focus on the illness, rather than the symptom? Are we so blinded by our collective affluence-induced arrogance that we don't get how simple the problem is? I'll give you that I can be simple-minded and unrealistic on any given day, but...

Where is the perfectly simple morality that my parents made sure I got and held onto from kindergarten? Where are the simple rules that have been the foundation of every great society in the world for, well, ever since they were written? Where is the "Thou Shalt Not Kill" in all of this?

I believe that the reason God gave Moses the Ten Commandments is because it is in all of our nature, from the moment of original sin, to do the things that God eventually decided he needed to tell us not to do. I believe that at our basest nature, we might all kill to get what we want. Or steal to make our families safe or happy. God gave us these rules to save us from ourselves.

God recognized that letting our basest nature lead us didn't make for Merry Christmases. It leads to confused and sad holiday seasons.

As a mom, as a Christian, hell, as a human being, I am COMMITTED to making sure my kids understand these most basic of moral codes. They may not understand the Constitution or Gun Control Legislation, but they do and will understand God's Law for us. It's simple, clear and in ten bite-sized pieces.

Finally, I think the best honor I can give and the most healing activity I can perform, is to make this Christmas season about LOVE. Because there is no doubt that LOVE is bright, and healthy and healing. It bears fruits of Gratitude and Graciousness. It yields prayers of Thanksgiving for what we have and prayers of supplication for those that have not.

I will actively LOVE and appreciate those close to me. And I will pray that someone close to the families in Newtown LOVE them like Jesus would.

Gifting

It's Christmastime. The concept of gifting seems pretty clear and simple.

1. Ask/Listen for what loved ones want.
2. Go buy what loved ones want.
3. Wrap what loved ones want in pretty paper that matches your Christmas tree.
4. Gloat over the joy of opening Just What They Wanted on Christmas morning.

Only, it turns out the real gifting, true generosity, isn't really clear nor simple, nor about following the above formula. The true meaning of a real and significant gift, at Christmas or any other time, is as deep and involved as anything else we do for each other as humans.

Do you remember, really remember, the joy of finding something you didn't dare ask your parents for under your tree on Christmas morning from Santa? Because I am essentially a 10-year-old girl in a thirty-something year old body, I do. I remember the inability to squelch my high pitched scream when I first laid eyes on that Barbie Dream House.

When I was a child we were poor. We were blessed to never go without food or clothing or the basic creature comforts. But things like Barbie Dream Houses were way out of my league. Rich little girls in big brick houses got those types of gifts. And knowing that money was tight in our house, I would never have burdened my parents with my heart's desire.

But somehow, whether he and Jesus share secrets or he perfected spy cams long before the CIA, Santa knew. He knew that no matter how impractical, no matter how quickly I'd outgrow it, at that moment in my life, I needed a Barbie Dream House to feel special, important and loved.

Before and since that Christmas morning, I have always been a stickler for gifting. No cheating. You have to do the work and get the right gift. The perfect gift. And no guys, that doesn't necessarily mean the most expensive gift.

Here's what the Howard family will be focused on during this Christmas gifting season.

• Loving, and giving a gift to someone, is hard work.

You can't get gifting right if you're not examining your heart and theirs. Do you really know what your spouse is thinking about as you go into the holiday season? What is your mom most concerned about? What new hobby has your brother pawning his vintage Playboys to get money to fund? You don't have to be a mind reader. You just have to spend some time talking to your loved ones. And no, that can not be done via text or Facebook. Get close and get personal - you're likely to get a greater gift from this exercise than you end up giving.

• Great gifts don't necessarily cost more.

Yes, I am a woman and I don't think that all that glitters is gift worthy. I will always treasure the bracelet my son made me in my favorite color to go with my new favorite sweater more than the diamond bracelet my husband gave me. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for both. But my son's gift was about he and I's relationship, him knowing my favorites. My husband's was about his responsibility to give a winning hubby gift.

• Just because they want something doesn't mean it's a great gift item.

On Christmas eve a couple of years ago, my husband was visibly upset. He was so proud of the gift he had ordered for me, only to have it not arrive in time for Christmas. The shipping company had messed up the order and it would be late. So imagine my excitement three days later when a big box arrived from FedEx with his name on it. I excitedly called him at work and asked if I could open it. He asked to stay on the line so he could here my reaction..."Um, honey, what is it?" - the first sign that your gift might not be a hit. It was the muffler for my four wheeler that I'd offhandedly mentioned months before that I wanted. I choked back my disappointment and thanked him. He knew he'd struck out. In his defense, he gets points for at least listening. Unfortunately, he wasn't listening with his heart or he wouldn't have given me a muffler as a gift. Men, vacuum cleaners, except for Roomba's because they're wicked awesome, dish washers and flannel robes all fall into this DON'T GIVE category of gifts.

• Joy is the point.

That's the only part of this that's simple. Your gift should elicit the Barbie Dream House kind of joy. The "OH! I would have never bought myself that in a thousand years" kind of joy. It is not the "Oh, I really needed one these" kind of joy. Because he really needs help this year, my stepson will get what he needs. But because I know their hearts so well and love them so much, all of my boys will get gifts given out of real love to elicit pure joy.

My mother-in-law got tickets to see an Elvis tribute show with her son and grandsons. She couldn't have gotten a better gift. Others in our family will get handmade or personalized gifts made and given with love. And some of us will even get an expensive item or two. Regardless of the price tag, we will be gifting with our hearts and investing in each other so deeply to make this our best Christmas ever.

After all, God didn't ask us for a list before sending his son. And while the price of his gift was the ultimate sacrifice, it was for the joy of our hearts that he gave it and wrapped it in a manger.

Christmas Makes Me Cry

Our house looks perfect. The ribbon in the living room matches the tree in the dining room and wreath on the front door. We have a new 8' snowman standing guard over our yard and a rather large Christmas sock monkey to keep him company. If you come to my house right now, it is clear I have this Christmas thing under control. Heck, my wrapping paper even matches my tree!

So with all of this togetherness, you may be surprised to learn that Christmas makes me cry.

That's right, from Christmas songs on the radio to the pageants and concerts at church, I spend most of the Christmas season weepy and teary-eyed.

I should preface this story with the fact that I am not Catholic. Nor is my heart for Mary based in religion, though I may have come to my understanding of her later than my Catholic friends.

My son was four month's old for his first Christmas in 2002. While as a first time mom I was consumed with cute Christmas outfits and pictures and perfect gifts, at some point I was hit with a deep conviction I had never experienced before. It brought me to sobbing tears and changed how I would see Christmas from that moment forward.

You see in my mind, the Christmas story had always been about God's gift to us - a celebration of gifting. I reserved deep thoughts on faith-focused topics like sacrifice and sorrow for the Easter season.

But this particular Christmas, for the first time, I experienced this season from the perspective of a mother to an infant son. I FELT Mary's heart. And Christmas took on a far deeper sense of sacrifice and sorrow than I ever imagined it could have.

When Hunter was born, the minute he was born in fact, I said a thousand prayers for his future. David and I were filled with all of the hope and happiness in the world. This little bundle of joy could do anything, be anything. He was Potential personified.

I imagined Mary, sitting cold, in pain, afraid and feeling pretty alone in the world, having a very different experience.

First, Mary officially gets the award for the bravest woman in all of history. She listened intently to angels - who by all accounts can be pretty intimidating. She told her fiance the truth of what she'd heard, even though she had to have thought he would have her hauled out and stoned. She got on a donkey and rode cross country, with no thought of shaken baby syndrome or accidental inducement. She just kept moving forward. I don't care who you are, that's incredible bravery.

But, more importantly, she moved forward and gave birth to and raised her little boy KNOWING. She had been told - there was no mystery or imaging in this birth. His path was clear. His life was going to be hard. And he would have to be incredibly brave himself.

I don't know about you, but if an angel had come to me before Hunter's birth and told me that my son would face any of the challenges he faces today, I'd have at least thought twice about bringing him into this world. If I had known for sure people would be mean, life would be too hard and circumstances wouldn't let him grow up to be whatever he wanted to be, I would have paused.

While the Easter season is a clear demonstration of painful sacrifice, I am completely overwhelmed at the Christmas season knowing that this time is a clear demonstration of courageous sacrifice.

Whether Mary knew how her son would die some 33 years later is unclear. As a mom, that thought is unbearable. But she knew enough to know that this child, her child, would be set apart in a way that couldn't be easy for any of them. And she quietly carried herself and her family through the rest of what would be one of the most beautifully tragic stories of all time.

So Christmas carols about a baby in a manger, or the first noel, make me cry. I thank God that my son was born a blank ball of potential and I don't have to bear the responsibility of KNOWING the way Mary did. And I grieve for a mother that had to make such brave choices and changes to let Love come into our world.

In our house, Christmas is as much about sacrifice now as it is about gifts. He may not understand why, but Hunter is compelled to sacrifice some of his gifts each year so that children less fortunate than he can know Christmas happiness too. We spend more time talking about what we will give away this holiday season than what we're getting. And I tear up. Because he won't have to wait until he has his own children to understand the amazing sacrifice in Jesus' birth that was made for him.

Talented Application

Seems like God is weaving a thread made of gifts and talents through our lives right now. From recognizing them, to telling ourselves the truth about them, my family is in a discovery phase.

At this step on our talent trip, we're learning about application. After all, what good is a gift if you don't put it to use?

Any self aware 30 something has long since discovered their talents, right? At least with the obvious ones, we've all probably found the best way to employ them, surely. I certainly thought I knew what I am good at, why I am good at it, and what good I'm supposed to do with mine.

Of course, when you get to where you have discovered your talents, how you're supposed to use them is an entirely other conversation.

One of my talents/hobbies/passions is documenting lives, telling stories. I love, and think I'm pretty good at, collecting and documenting moments for myself and everyone connected to me. From photographs to scrapbooks to...blogs, I am a parliamentarian.

So application of this particular talent is obvious right? My son has had every moment of his life documented. My future daughter-in-law, grand children, great grand children and so on will have a rich picture of life in America in the 2000's. Heck, some archaeologist may someday describe our whole culture based on something cute I wrote to describe some moment of our life. Pretty cool.

But I thought my geeky scrapbooking hobby wasn't really a talent. It was just a way to color, cut and glue my way to relaxation and a legacy. After all, these elementary skills aren't really a talent, right? Everyone learns these skills in kindergarten.

 

But then the definition and purpose of this talent began to really reveal itself. Parents whose kids were on the same team as my son's got their kids documented. Cub Scouts in our Pack, they all got documented too. And their parents began to tell me they thought differently about recording their lives.

And that turned into conversations about moms needing to pick up a camera and photograph themselves. If you have a husband or significant other that will take pictures of you, great. Mine isn't  going to give much thought to it. He loves me, he just thinks it's more important to enjoy me than document me. So I have learned to take pictures of myself because I am an important part of this story too.

A tour of the new Woman's Hospital in Baton Rouge exposed a possible new use of my talent. Someone is helping parents of babies in NICU there scrapbook their families' walk through what is always an emotionally trying time. Therapy scrapbooking!

Now revelations like this are serendipitous. It never occurred to me that my talent/hobby was needed as service in my community, or anyone other than our family for that matter. But now that I see it, it's clear to me that ALL of our talents/abilities/hobbies are needed somewhere in the service of our community.

Maybe your talent is understanding technology. There are not-for-profits doing great things in our community who could use tech counseling to keep moving forward. If your talent is public speaking, there are even more area agencies looking for people to be ambassadors for causes that at least one of which you'd be passionate about.

My talent is an important part of my work, my real job. But it looks like it may be an important part of so much more. Your abilities are too. While what you're good at may have gotten you to a great place professionally and personally, now is the time to start looking for where your talents can help others get to a great place too.

A friend of mine is in a phase of discovery much like mine. She has known for years how to use her creativity talents at work. Now, with her own innovation & creativity counseling gigs, Connie is surprising herself, and her admiring fans, with how wide the application of her talents can spread. In fact, you can learn more at her upcoming event with The Arts Council here https://www.facebook.com/events/122198911270706/

Your talents and abilities are needed. They can be the key to success to solving real challenges in our community. Or, they could be the simple comfort a scared or challenged family of strangers needs to find hope. Either way, you win in sharing and we all win in the miracle your gift creates.

Today

There was an hour long wait at our usually lazy polling place this morning. Hunter was so excited to see all of the people out doing their duty. And as I listened to people in line giving hints to their voting preferences and making their predictions, I was overcome with the significance of our right to vote.

Our right to vote gives us a say in our destiny. It gives us a voice in how we think our country or state or city should be led. But once our choice is made...

After another political season of negative and attacking rhetoric, I can honestly say that all I am is prayerful.

Today I will be in prayer for the man who has had the awesome burden of leading our country through some pretty rough stuff. Our President, whom we the people elected, has carried an incredibly heavy yoke for four years. For that matter, every President in the history of our country has. Few of us can understand the awesome responsibility of having men die under our command. Nor can we imagine the sorrow that seeing those we are charged with leading go hungry or homeless. This is why, even if he didn't earn our vote, our President deserves our respect.

Today I am in prayer that win or lose the Presidency, that Mr. Obama and his family be blessed by the experiences they've had over the last four years.

Hunter reminded me last week that it wasn't very nice of everyone to speak so badly of President Obama, after all, he is our President. And he's right. Regardless of your political position, Barack Obama was appointed and ordained as the leader of our country. And I will stay in prayer for him and his family through today's new test of them.

Finally, on our way to school after voting, Hunter and I discussed whether we should worry about how this election will turn out while we're going about our normal school and work life today. We decided we would instead, be in prayer.

In prayer for these two men and their families. That they find the purpose God has for them in this contest and after.

In prayer for our country. That we will, in fact, stand on In God We Trust, trusting that the outcome of this election will be a perfectly designed and ordained part of God's will for us as a nation.

In prayer for our community. That we will all do our part, cast our vote, and find peace in the outcome.

At the end of the day, I voted for some Republicans. I also voted for some Democrats. And neither of those choices defines me more than the simple fact that I VOTED.

Cool Advertising Tricks

My most recent reminder of how cool advertising is came last week while watching Survivor.

A Degree commercial came on during the show. Now, even though I work in advertising, I am quick to fast forward through a commercial. Unfortunately, I thought at this particular moment, this is live TV and I can't fast forward. What happened next both inspired and excited me.

A bar flashed across the bottom of the running TV commercial that said to push the OK button on my U-verse remote to get a special offer from Degree. What? Was this ad really telling me to do something with my remote and get a response from my TV? You betcha it was!

Really Cool Interactivity

When I clicked OK, the commercial paused and I was taken to a form. Even better, all of my required information was already filled in the blanks, I am assuming based on my U-verse account information. Otherwise, this very smart commercial could not only interact with my remote, but it could also tell it was me, rather than David, my husband, driving this experiment.

The form told me to press OK and that my information would be submitted and in 4 - 6 weeks I would receive coupons and special savings on Degree products in my mailbox.

And, so that this interactive experiment didn't make me miss any of my Survivor episode, the commercial had even paused the program so I could go back and pick up watching exactly where I left off.

What!?! Interactive TV that could respond in real time to wants and demands through advertising AND not keep me from my favorite shows? Holy Heck! This was better than a flying car!

Evolving at the Speed of Light

Of course this is just another of an army of amazing and rapid adaptations that advertisers are demanding, and therefore media are providing, to build direct and intimate relationships with consumers. And yes, I strongly believe that the speed of innovation in the advertising industry is increasing at an amazing rate.

Fueled by a desire, or in some cases a primal need to, compete with the click-and-serve mentality that the web and social media have conditioned consumers to, traditional media are having to find new levels of interactivity to remain relevant and powerful.

This is great news for both advertisers and media. Every company's ideal customer is out there, somewhere. Getting to them may not be easier, but the depth that an advertiser can reach into some one's pocket can be deeper than ever before, empowered by new and creative media solutions.

There's an App for that

Whether it's apps on your phone, or your TV, new types of radio contests, or networking events and advertising options for B2B companies, the ante is being raised.

This also means that advertisers have to evaluate so many more options - making actually running the business they're trying to market more difficult.

The other recent cool points reminder came from a group of 10-year-olds in the back seat of my SUV last week. As I was ferrying the boys to a football game, I heard them arguing over a game on their phones. Disclaimer: Yes, 10-year-olds have iPhones and Yes, I think that's crazy. As I listened closer, I realized what they were trying to solve. They were trying to match logo elements to their respective companies! The game is called Logo Quiz and it is every advertising professionals proof that this marketing stuff works.

Pop Quiz

Basically, the kids are given an icon, or even part of an icon, and they have to answer with the right company. As I listened to these boys rattle off brand after brand correctly, I was struck by how, at age 10, they were already so advertising indoctrinated.

Here's a sample of a Logo Quiz. Would you have been able to guess them all?


Advertising is not only cool, it's now pop culture quiz worthy!

The great news about all of this rapidly evolving ad technology and play is that the advertising professionals I know and work with are evolving just as rapidly. From social media to mobile manipulation, today's advertising professionals know more, can do more and can offer more than ever before.

I always caution potential advertisers to make sure that cool new advertising options make sense for their business before jumping into them. If you have to see your clients face to face to do business, even Facebook might not be the right marketing venue for you. But any really professional advertising expert will tell you that.

Because at it's heart, even with it's flying-cars-cool new apps, advertising that builds any relationship, especially the kind that create sales, is about building trust. Between a brand and it's customers, advertising has the responsibility to create chemistry. And any woman will tell you when it comes to chemistry, a slow built burn is always hotter than a quick hot flash.